I’ve been thinking a lot about our personal narratives, almost to the point of obsession for about a month now. Our narratives are the stories we tell ourselves as we live our lives. Who we think we are, how important (and insignificant) we can feel in different situations, around different crowds and, most poignantly, how we use our personal narratives as excuses for how we treat (some) people in ways we would never EVER… dream of treating others, or accept being treated. Where do these narratives come from, why we use them, and how… when the very core of mindfulness practice clearly tells us to let our stories go… we guard our own mythology with ferocity, and harshness. I find this very topic to be one of the most fascinating, yet disturbing facets of my own life. Even as I try to put aside my own mythology, I watch the effects of this phenomenon in others. Watching egos is an amazing way to learn about myself… and sometimes frustrating as well. I watch behaviors of others by recognizing behavioral patterns, come in and out of focus. The funniest part (in an ironic way) is getting that “smacked in the face” feeling when I repeat the behavior I’ve been watching, completely out of habit. Right now, most especially, I am intrigued by watching those who would consider themselves to have reached a certain level of mindfulness understanding (both secular teaching and, Buddhist teaching) . I cannot help but feel a certain sadness for these people especially. Almost without trying I watch egos ebb and flow everywhere, at home, while shopping, when I am at the meditation center, and I feel it within myself when I use humor with some, and not others, and I see it with people who would train others in mindfulness techniques.
Most recently, I was working on an online mindfulness training package I purchased through Udemy. Though the class offered training for those wishing to be “certified” to treat others with mindfulness techniques, I began noticing how the instructor was regularly distancing himself from Buddhism. One example is calling Buddhist teachings limited because of the monks limited experience with modern life. I don’t know about you… but to suggest that modern problems are different than problems 2500+ years ago, is silly. Problems are not problems because of electronics, internal combustion engines, or nuclear weaponry… Problems are about how we create, internalize, validate, and seek out preferences… what we “deserve” vs what “is”. That was just one of several more comments to come, and after a handful of them, I changed a previous 4.5 star rating to 3.5, commenting that the regular distancing himself from the teachings of the Buddha, was an unnecessary distraction, and actually went against what he was teaching about being “mindful”. Well kids… he was NOT at all happy with the review, and responded with a mini rant, suggesting that I was not telling the truth, and “if I knew so much about mindfulness”, I’d change my review back to a higher score, and delete the information. Um… no… Truth be told, in response, I actually then lowered the score (to 2.5), and added in some direct responses to his rather interesting retort. That lasted about 5 minutes… (for both of us). As I considered my reaction, I went back, deleted some of the new information, and re-raised the score to the 3.5 rating (because at the end of the day, his secular expression of mindfulness remains valid). As I was putting my review back in order, and making sure my point was clear but not an attack, I noticed he had actually deleted his response. So… all in all… there were 2 reactions to challenges of 2 personal narratives, 2 rebuttals, and finally, 2 retractions. All in all… I never meant to challenge him personally, in fact, I still recommend the course to anyone interested. But… don’t expect that being a “Certified” Mindfulness Practitioner actually means anything. You can listen to teachings, and read about the Buddha, you can study everything that has ever been said, or printed, but you cannot be taught mindfulness… To truly learn mindfulness is to take the lessons you receive, and turn them inward on your own. To expose the mythology of our own actions, is the only way to begin to understand mindfulness. A good place to start, might be to ask yourself why, and how we can experience the teachings of mindfulness, bow, make offerings, and donations… and still refuse to live what we claim to believe.
Namo Buddhaya Friends!