Would you rather…. it’s a simple game of preference, that offers two activity options. Would you rather, hold a snake, or kiss a frog… Choices can range from funny, unpleasant, or odd. Choosing either option elicits a reaction (generally laughter), after your choice, the game continues with a new set of options, and (hopefully) renewed laughter. All in all, a fairly benign way to pass the time.
Interestingly enough, we play the game “Would you rather”, (within our minds) all day, every day. We’ve done this from the time we were old enough to begin building our own personal armor that we refer to as ego. We do this without purposeful thought, often out of a bizarre sense of obligation.
For instance. After a long day of stressful work, you walk into your living room, and realize that you really need to vacuum, and straighten up. You realize that doing so, will allow you to relax easier, knowing the room is in order. Despite being exhausted from your strenuous day, you take the time to pull out the vacuum clean
er, and begin your work. After finishing, you look at what you just accomplished, feeling happy that your space is now clean, and comfortable. Feeling content, you decide to take a shower to knock off the dust of the day, and to allow your body a chance to physically recover. You know that after you wash up, and put on some comfortable clothes, you will feel more refreshed, and will be ready to spend a quiet, comfortable evening with family. While you are in the shower, relaxing, and recovering, a loved one returns home. She doesn’t realize how difficult your day was, she doesn’t realize how you spent the last of your energy cleaning the room, and has no idea how peaceful you felt before you stepped into the shower.
Having a stressful day of her own, and similarly exhausted, she is carrying in an armful of books, papers, and mail, she begins to lay out these things on the table, and the floor… and on the sofa. She has work to do this evening, and lays out the items out in order to organize… once everything is laid out, she stops, gets a glass of water from the kitchen, puts it on the table with her papers… then realizes that she left something in her car.
As you come down the stairs, she walks out to the car… Seeing the papers, books, mail, and the glass (not on a coaster)… How do you feel?
Would you rather: a) Become frustrated, or angry about the state of the room you just cleaned or b) Realize that your loved one is probably as tired as you, and feel empathy for the fact that her work is not done.
It’s easy to say “B”… but how often (without thinking) do we select “A” out of habit.
Let’s play a game of “Would you rather” Instead of selecting your preference… First, chose your common response, Second, chose your preferred response. If your responses differ, you might want to ask yourself why.
Sometimes, it’s hard to make mindful changes when we don’t realize we have attachments that we’ve considered to be “how someone should act”. Even things we consider to be “right” and “just” can often come from an invisible set of rules, or expectations that are based on our personal experiences, or desires. We tend to impose our own idea of things upon others without them knowing, and as often as not…. vary the degree of our responses to a breach of these actions depending on our mood.
This week I’ve been thinking more about how my emotions, and personal rule-sets affect my behavior toward others. If this helps you, I’m am happy to have shared.
Have a wonderful week friends and Namo Buddhaya!